We’re so excited to have Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts join us for a live chat tonight at 9PM Eastern. While you wait for our live chat with Susan Cain, check out what our From Left to Write members had to say about Quiet.
To join the chat, you can log in to your Livestream account or enter a nickname by clicking on the pencil/pen icon in the chat box. Please play nice and use your manners during the chat!
Big thanks to Susan Cain for chatting with us! Click through to read the full transcript.
Chat transcript:
fromleft2write: We’re going to start in just a minute or so. Thanks everyone for coming
fromleft2write: Ok, let’s get started. Susan, are you here?
Susan Cain: I sure am — hi, everyone!
fromleft2write: Wonderful! Tonight, I’m happy to have Susan Cain chat with us about her new book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts.
fromleft2write: If anyone has questions for Susan during our chat, feel free to ask her
Susan Cain: And I’m so thrilled to be here. Would you like to ask me any specific questions?
fromleft2write: Susan, as a self-proclaimed introvert, why were you compelled to write the book, knowing that you would have to do book tours and appearances to promote it?
catherine: Susan, I’ve gotten so much traction out of your book! I’ve quoted it in a work report, mentioned it today as a resource of a training, and my husband brought it to a University class he was teaching!
Susan Cain: Ha! What a great question (about how I could stand to think about book tours, etc.) I think I might have become a writer years earlier if not for that fear.
Susan Cain: But eventually my drive to write grew stronger than that fear — especially about this topic, which I feel so passionately about. Today I did TWENTY interviews, including one on TV, and though it was
fromleft2write: 20 interviews in 1 day. Wow!
Susan Cain: tiring, I felt great about what I was doing.
Susan Cain: Yes, it was truly insane. Started off on CBS This Morning, and then 19 radio interviews!
fromleft2write: Your book resonated with many of our book club members. Turns out, a lot of bloggers are introverts! What reaction has your book received from non-bloggers?
Susan Cain: A tidal wave of reaction — with people from all walks of life saying that they feel validated/empowered for the first time.
Susan Cain: Not surprised, btw, that lots of bloggers are introverts. I’ve found this to be true thoughout journalism — including the 19 radio interviewers I met today. Most said they were introverts, even
Susan Cain: though they’re paid to talk.
Susan Cain: Catherine, glad you’re getting so much traction from the book!
Susan Cain: What parts of the book resonated most for you?
fromleft2write: We did have a few extroverted members who felt like their outgoing qualities were not put in the best light. One person even felt attacked for her extrovert qualities. What would you tell them?
GanaMom: Thank you for getting out there and informing people about your book. It flew off the shelves at B&N so fast that the only copy I could get was an electronic version. Yes, it is very validating.
Susan Cain: I would tell them that I find extroversion to be a really delightful personality style — my beloved husband is an extrovert and many of my dearest friends. Was trying to correct a kind of chauvinism
Susan Cain: against introverts and really struggled to try to do that while also making my admiration for extroverts plain. It’s a tricky thing to express and feel bad if didn’t get that right.
fromleft2write: I’m surprised to hear that so many journalists are introverts since they have to deal with people quite often. Why do you think introverts are drawn to the field of journalism?
GanaMom: Early in the book, it was stated that both Introverts and Extroverts are beneficial and complementary. Yin and Yang
fromleft2write: Susan, it is a tricky to do. I thought I was an extrovert until i took your quiz. I was a little surprised.
GanaMom: Journalists have to be good listeners and thoughtful.
atrelaun: Hi Susan — I have to say that what was most helpful for me, a confirmed socially adept introvert,
atrelaun: was the emphasis on needing down-time after gatherings, to recharge. That’s so true!
atrelaun: Such a big difference between me and my extroverted husband!
Susan Cain: Lots of journalists are attracted to the field because they love books and the power of language. And lots of introverts are bookish…Many journalists tell me they feel more empowered to chat with
Susan Cain: strangers from behind a reporter’s notebook.
fromleft2write: Susan, in your chapter about the Asian-American high school students in California, you compare Eastern vs. Western ideas of stronge personalities. And how the students struggled once they left HS.
GanaMom: That recharging is so necessary for us but I never understood it before.
Susan Cain: yes, i often need downtime after parties or dinners, even when i have a great time.
atrelaun: it’s so useful to know that, and plan for it!
fromleft2write: Being Asian myself (and not lucky enough to grow in that kind of environment), I thought that chapter only perpetuated the model minority myth. What about the competition among the students to perform
Susan Cain: SO helpful to plan for down time. I try to schedule it in wherever I can — even during the insanity of book tour. (Admittedly I’m not doing the greatest job. :))
Susan Cain: Oh gosh, yes the competition to perform that I witnessed in Cupertino was extremely intense. I wasn’t focusing on that so much as styles of self-expression. But I hear you about the model minority
Susan Cain: issue. Tried to address that in the chapter and hope achieved it at least a little.
fromleft2write: Susan, what solutions/strategies would you recommend for the Cupertino students who struggled to adjust to an extroverted style of classroom learning?
fromleft2write: I was the only Asian-American in my small high school, and we weren’t taught to really discuss books like we did in college. I struggled not because of my personality, but lack of experience
Susan Cain: I’d recommend the same strategies that I recommend to anyone struggling to conform to extroverted norms: to try to draw on your own natural strengths (eg by listening well, speaking quietly and firmly
fromleft2write: Feel free to jump in everyone. I will try not to hog Susan’s time!
Susan Cain: , etc.) while also learning how to adopt a “pretend-extroverted” persona that they can use at will. But the key is to use that persona sparingly — if you act out of character all the time, you burn
Susan Cain: out quickly!
Chai: hey Susan! any tips for balancing a person’s introverted qualities while in a mostly extroverted work environment?
fromleft2write: I think that is true for everyone (acting out of character & burn out)
GanaMom: That explains why I become uncomfortable and want to “escape” when I am forced to be extroverted for very long.
Susan Cain: Hmm, tell me more about what you mean by “balancing”?
fromleft2write: Reading your book has made realized that my husband is more introverted than me, though I always thought the opposite. Now I understand why he hates talking on the phone! You might be saving marriages
Susan Cain: Very true that everyone feels burn out when acting out of character — including extroverts! Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, is an uber-extrovert, and he talks about how hard it was to
Susan Cain: sequester himself to write the book.
Chai: i always find that in work situations, extroverted personalities do dominiate, and it’s the ones w/introverted tendencies that have to accomodate their needs…
Chai: just wondering how to make it an equal playing field for everyone
catherine: I had a question. You mentiont he current “extrovert ideal” (maybe not your words exactly – I don’t have the book with me) and contrast it with the previous emphasis on Character.
fromleft2write: @Chai, you mean how to make sure your voice is heard in the workplace?
catherine: Do you think that pervious era could have been a “Introvert Ideal” that we then needed to swing away from and went too far?
Chai: right! just as much as the next person of course![😉]()
Susan Cain: that’s such an interesting question, Catherine — ie was the previous era an “introvert ideal”? I don’t think so; even during the Culture of Character we still admired people who spoke their minds
Susan Cain: , etc — people revered charismatic ministers and politicians, etc. The difference was that ordinary people weren’t expected to be performers the way they are today.
GanaMom: One of the biggest problems is to be accepted for just being quiet without appearing to be unfriendly.
atrelaun: In my blog, I wrote about telling people you’re shy is like telling them you have herpes — there’s such a weird stigman. OK, just maybe with herpes, it’s worse. ;>
atrelaun: stigma, i mean!
fromleft2write: @GanaMom I agree. I’ve appeared snobbish or standoffish because I’d rather observe the situtaion before joining a conversation
atrelaun: the book was really great for the way that it allowed me to find a way to describe myself
Susan Cain: That is such a good point, Gana Mom. Even with all my knowledge of introverts, I sometimes feel that quiet people must not like me. I have to remind myself what’s going on. I do think it helps for
Susan Cain: quiet people to know that others aren’t always judging their quiet so much as feeling hurt by it. That changes the dynamic a lot.
tm2002: Hi, Just joining from CA. Any tips for introverts in the dating world.?
GanaMom: I’ve learned to “interview” people when in social situations so that I don’t have to do so much talking. I’m not shy, just not talkative.
Susan Cain: About shyness being stigmatized like herpes — yes, it’s unfortunately true. It’s even more stigmatized than introversion, I would say — I think we’re a society that can’t stand to admit weakness
Susan Cain: and that’s how people think of shyness!
atrelaun: So true! SO much better to understand the biological basis of introversion
atrelaun: that it’s a way we’re born, really, like so many other things
Susan Cain: For introverts in the dating world — try to go to places where you’ll meet people with similar interests and points of view. Hmm wait, that sounds like generic dating advice! Tell me more about your
Susan Cain: specific concerns re: dating.
nonsensicality: I have yet to read your book, but a few months ago I helped start a new student organization at my college called Introverts United. Do you have any suggestions for a group of college introverts?
Ian: How much of shyness has to do with a lack of confidence?
sam: your right GanaMom. I was shocked when someone I worked with said they thought I was “stuck-up” and they thought I thought I was better than everyone else. I felt just the opposite.
Susan Cain: Wow you’re kidding — Introverts United, I love it! How many members do you have, what kinds of activities do you do?
catherine: I’ve known a lot of quiet people that had similar feedback, Sam.
Susan Cain: As for suggestions, this is a new concept to me but off the top of my head: online discussion forum, perhaps with ability to participate anonymously so people can discuss personal stuff; also regular
Susan Cain: small group in person meetings to talk about issues of interest to introverts; book club; guest speakers…
tm2002: It just takes me a while to get comfortable in a situation, with a new person, and sometimes I can come off as too quiet.
nonsensicality: Last semester 5 core members, 2 staff advisors. We just had an involvement fair and I have 30 people on the email list now.
atrelaun: I love the idea of Introverts United!
tm2002: If I do the fake extrovert thing (which I do at times) I feel like they aren’t getting to know the real me. (And then I’m exhausted too)
Susan Cain: tm2002, i’m not sure if you were the one who talked about asking a lot of questions, but that is a tried-and-true introvert tactic — might it work for you?
atrelaun: I think the most important thing is for these qualities to be VALUED equally with those that extroverts bring
Susan Cain: atrelaun: ABSOLUTELY.
Chai: great point @atrelaun!
atrelaun: PS Just saw that there’s an INtroverts United facebook page. Maybe we should all join!
fromleft2write: @tm2002 I frequently ask people questions about themselves to get the covnersation started. Works 90% of the time!
nonsensicality: So far we mainly discussed different challenges. Ie: talking in class, public speeking, dating, hanging out, etc.
fromleft2write: @atrelaun, what is the link to the FB page?
atrelaun: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2218961143
nonsensicality: I’m planning on ordering a few copies of your book for us, and hopefully talking more about the strong points of being introverted.
fromleft2write: Susan, how do you suggest we, the introverts, convince our society to understand that we are as valuable as extroverts? Any concrete suggestions?
fromleft2write: I wrote lots of notes in my copy of Quiet.
Susan Cain: Might be interesting to have a public speaking subgroup where you all gather to practice speaking in a safe environment. For shy speakers, getting used to the podium in a safe space is CRUCIAL.
fromleft2write: If you haven’t purchased a copy of Quiet yet, you’re missing out http://amzn.to/vlGUYS
atrelaun: I think just having a place to gather as Introverts, to learn to feel good about that, about the strengths of being introverted, that would be such a PLUS
Susan Cain: As for how to convince society: stories of famous introverts go a long way. Not just lists, but stories of people who achieved what they did BECAUSE of their personalities, not in spite of them.
GanaMom: Actually, public speaking is fun after the knees stop knocking. Just don’t ask me to discuss anything personal.
fromleft2write: @atrelaun I agree! Especially important for young ones
Susan Cain: The world would truly be impoverished without the transformative leadership styles of Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks; without the creativity of people like Albert Einstein and J.K. Rowling, etc
Susan Cain: In the book I tried to tell a lot of these stories.
tm2002: EVeryone’s feedback is awesome. I do need to remember to ask people about themselves – I can often start off quite awkwardly, but then once things get rolling, I do ok.
fromleft2write: It’s funny, because I don’t mind public speaking. I’m in direct sales and get up in front of strangers to sell romance products. I thought I’d be an ambivert for sure.
fromleft2write: @Susan, your stories were one of my favorite parts of your book
Susan Cain: I find public speaking fun when I’m excited about my topic.
atrelaun: I wonder what kind of response you’ve received from the corporate world regarding what you’ve written about Group Think? If I never had to do a group brainstorming session, I’d be eternally grateful!
Susan Cain: @fromleft2write, it’s great that you don’t mind public speaking. In my book research I noticed a distinct subgroup of introverts who don’t. Also a lot of introverted actors, performers, etc.
GanaMom: Great stories that give so much credit to the quiet-but-strong types.
atrelaun: never again, I mean. There’s such an emphasis on teams, also in graduate school this drove me crazy, but at work, too — I’d love it if what you’ve written got incorporated such that there is more
Susan Cain: @atrelaun Great question. So far the response seems to be overwhelmingly positive — though there was a subset who seemed absolutely horrified!
atrelaun: emphasis on individual creativity, rather than these group dog piles
atrelaun: oooh, tell us about the horrified!
Susan Cain: @atrelaun I really have hope that changes will come. The overwhelming response was, FINALLY we have permission to talk about how problematic these things are (open offices, brainstomring, etc.)
fromleft2write: @atrelaun I was never a fan of group projects-too much talk and not enough work getting done!
atrelaun: plus, others don’t pull their weight! >
fromleft2write: It never occurred to me how terrifying working in an open office space would be, since I work from home
atrelaun: Yes, FINALLY we can point to research that demonstrates that they’re often a big time-waster
Susan Cain: If you need citations, the endnotes to the book list a whole raft of studies
atrelaun: will do![:)]()
Susan Cain: @atrelaun, the dissenters mostly believe that groups work, that social exchanges work, and we shouldn’t say they don’t. Which i agree with — I’m mostly calling for a return to balance — we’re way
Susan Cain: too lopsided now in favor of the group.
atrelaun: i just think we need to be more discerning about when groups are effective and when not
fromleft2write: We have about 8 more minutes with Susan. Anyone have more questions or comments?
nonsensicality: How similar is introversion today in comparison to other historically and modern marginalized groups of people (people of color, women, etc)?
atrelaun: and your book so helps to raise the question and provide a platform for this discussion.
tm2002: as a teacher, I love how you’ve often spoken to the importance of giving other learning strategies a try, in order to incorporate introverts
GanaMom: @Susan: Thank you
tm2002: I see, when I give them space to be quiet, they eventually will contribute quite a lot, especially once they know it is safe to do so
Susan Cain: @tm2002, thank you. I spent a lot fo time in classrooms as part of my book research and felt so sad to watch introverted kids struggling to work in groups when this clearly went so against their natur
Susan Cain: nature
Susan Cain: @tm2002, can you pls tell me more about this? how do you give them space to be quiet? and how do you know that if you do that, they’ll eventually contribute? how do you make it safe for them?
tm2002: I work with young children, and one thing I do is allow them to hang back, to take in a new situation. I never urge them to speak up in a large group
Susan Cain: @nonsensicality, i think that introverts today are where women were in the early 1960’s — at the cusp of a big sea change in status, but still struggling with being a “second-class” personality style
tm2002: I let them wait until they are ready. Sometimes, they will join in, when we break into small group work
tm2002: I find that when the group of kids is 6 or less, many kids feel much more comfortable sharing
fromleft2write: @tm2002 I’ve noticed that my outgoing daughter is very quiet in new situations. I’ve learned to let her warm up instead of pushing her to join in
tm2002: Sometimes, the humber, or size of a group can change the dynamic quite a bit
atrelaun: wow, this is really making me think about drop-out rates in a different way — since schools are so designed as a larger group experience, classrooms of 35
fromleft2write: And I thought my daughter’s kindergarten class was large at 19 kids. 35!
Susan Cain: @tm2002: so ideal group size is what, would you say?
tm2002: I always make sure that once a child does share (both introverts and extroverts) we make sure there are no interruptions – we value and respect what everyone has to say
Susan Cain: @tm2002 you sound like a great teacher!
tm2002: 4-5 kids
Susan Cain: @tm2002 how do you prevent the dominant kids from taking over?
tm2002: Thanks!! I LOVE IT!
tm2002: I hold up my index finger, which the kids know is a sign that they need to wait their turn to speak. (We’ve taught this in class, and have visual reminders up in the room)
fromleft2write: Susan, I know your time is valuable and you are probably tired from your 20 interviews. Thank you for chatting with us tonight.
tm2002: Thanks so much Susan!!!
fromleft2write: Susan, we are scheduled to finish at 10pm, but if you are more than welcome to chat longer
atrelaun: Thank you, Susan! And thank you for such a great book!
Susan Cain: It was SO much fun to chat with you all. Thx so much. And please keep me posted about any Introverts-United groups! …and now I must go to sleep. Many many more interviews tomorrow…Good night ever
Susan Cain: everyone!
fromleft2write: Susan, thank you for joining us tonight. Your book definitely gives us a lot to think about, especially for future generations of introverts. Please pick up a copy of her book: http://amzn.to/vlGUYS
GlasgowGuy: thanks Susan I look forward to your book coming out in the UK!
Susan Cain: @GlasgowGuy, It comes out in March in the UK, I think, and I’ll be there on book tour from March 24 – April 3!
fromleft2write: Thank you everyone for joining us. Please subscribe to our site to hear about our next book club! http://feeds.feedburner.com/FromLeftToWrite
GlasgowGuy: wonderful! I’ve pre-ordered from Amazon
fromleft2write: I’ll post a transcript of our chat soon so you can refer back to anything you’ve missed!
fromleft2write: Good night everyone!
fromleft2write: Ok, let’s get started. Susan, are you here?
Susan Cain: I sure am — hi, everyone!
fromleft2write: Wonderful! Tonight, I’m happy to have Susan Cain chat with us about her new book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts.
fromleft2write: If anyone has questions for Susan during our chat, feel free to ask her
Susan Cain: And I’m so thrilled to be here. Would you like to ask me any specific questions?
fromleft2write: Susan, as a self-proclaimed introvert, why were you compelled to write the book, knowing that you would have to do book tours and appearances to promote it?
catherine: Susan, I’ve gotten so much traction out of your book! I’ve quoted it in a work report, mentioned it today as a resource of a training, and my husband brought it to a University class he was teaching!
Susan Cain: Ha! What a great question (about how I could stand to think about book tours, etc.) I think I might have become a writer years earlier if not for that fear.
Susan Cain: But eventually my drive to write grew stronger than that fear — especially about this topic, which I feel so passionately about. Today I did TWENTY interviews, including one on TV, and though it was
fromleft2write: 20 interviews in 1 day. Wow!
Susan Cain: tiring, I felt great about what I was doing.
Susan Cain: Yes, it was truly insane. Started off on CBS This Morning, and then 19 radio interviews!
fromleft2write: Your book resonated with many of our book club members. Turns out, a lot of bloggers are introverts! What reaction has your book received from non-bloggers?
Susan Cain: A tidal wave of reaction — with people from all walks of life saying that they feel validated/empowered for the first time.
Susan Cain: Not surprised, btw, that lots of bloggers are introverts. I’ve found this to be true thoughout journalism — including the 19 radio interviewers I met today. Most said they were introverts, even
Susan Cain: though they’re paid to talk.
Susan Cain: Catherine, glad you’re getting so much traction from the book!
Susan Cain: What parts of the book resonated most for you?
fromleft2write: We did have a few extroverted members who felt like their outgoing qualities were not put in the best light. One person even felt attacked for her extrovert qualities. What would you tell them?
GanaMom: Thank you for getting out there and informing people about your book. It flew off the shelves at B&N so fast that the only copy I could get was an electronic version. Yes, it is very validating.
Susan Cain: I would tell them that I find extroversion to be a really delightful personality style — my beloved husband is an extrovert and many of my dearest friends. Was trying to correct a kind of chauvinism
Susan Cain: against introverts and really struggled to try to do that while also making my admiration for extroverts plain. It’s a tricky thing to express and feel bad if didn’t get that right.
fromleft2write: I’m surprised to hear that so many journalists are introverts since they have to deal with people quite often. Why do you think introverts are drawn to the field of journalism?
GanaMom: Early in the book, it was stated that both Introverts and Extroverts are beneficial and complementary. Yin and Yang
fromleft2write: Susan, it is a tricky to do. I thought I was an extrovert until i took your quiz. I was a little surprised.
GanaMom: Journalists have to be good listeners and thoughtful.
atrelaun: Hi Susan — I have to say that what was most helpful for me, a confirmed socially adept introvert,
atrelaun: was the emphasis on needing down-time after gatherings, to recharge. That’s so true!
atrelaun: Such a big difference between me and my extroverted husband!
Susan Cain: Lots of journalists are attracted to the field because they love books and the power of language. And lots of introverts are bookish…Many journalists tell me they feel more empowered to chat with
Susan Cain: strangers from behind a reporter’s notebook.
fromleft2write: Susan, in your chapter about the Asian-American high school students in California, you compare Eastern vs. Western ideas of stronge personalities. And how the students struggled once they left HS.
GanaMom: That recharging is so necessary for us but I never understood it before.
Susan Cain: yes, i often need downtime after parties or dinners, even when i have a great time.
atrelaun: it’s so useful to know that, and plan for it!
fromleft2write: Being Asian myself (and not lucky enough to grow in that kind of environment), I thought that chapter only perpetuated the model minority myth. What about the competition among the students to perform
Susan Cain: SO helpful to plan for down time. I try to schedule it in wherever I can — even during the insanity of book tour. (Admittedly I’m not doing the greatest job. :))
Susan Cain: Oh gosh, yes the competition to perform that I witnessed in Cupertino was extremely intense. I wasn’t focusing on that so much as styles of self-expression. But I hear you about the model minority
Susan Cain: issue. Tried to address that in the chapter and hope achieved it at least a little.
fromleft2write: Susan, what solutions/strategies would you recommend for the Cupertino students who struggled to adjust to an extroverted style of classroom learning?
fromleft2write: I was the only Asian-American in my small high school, and we weren’t taught to really discuss books like we did in college. I struggled not because of my personality, but lack of experience
Susan Cain: I’d recommend the same strategies that I recommend to anyone struggling to conform to extroverted norms: to try to draw on your own natural strengths (eg by listening well, speaking quietly and firmly
fromleft2write: Feel free to jump in everyone. I will try not to hog Susan’s time!
Susan Cain: , etc.) while also learning how to adopt a “pretend-extroverted” persona that they can use at will. But the key is to use that persona sparingly — if you act out of character all the time, you burn
Susan Cain: out quickly!
Chai: hey Susan! any tips for balancing a person’s introverted qualities while in a mostly extroverted work environment?
fromleft2write: I think that is true for everyone (acting out of character & burn out)
GanaMom: That explains why I become uncomfortable and want to “escape” when I am forced to be extroverted for very long.
Susan Cain: Hmm, tell me more about what you mean by “balancing”?
fromleft2write: Reading your book has made realized that my husband is more introverted than me, though I always thought the opposite. Now I understand why he hates talking on the phone! You might be saving marriages
Susan Cain: Very true that everyone feels burn out when acting out of character — including extroverts! Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, is an uber-extrovert, and he talks about how hard it was to
Susan Cain: sequester himself to write the book.
Chai: i always find that in work situations, extroverted personalities do dominiate, and it’s the ones w/introverted tendencies that have to accomodate their needs…
Chai: just wondering how to make it an equal playing field for everyone
catherine: I had a question. You mentiont he current “extrovert ideal” (maybe not your words exactly – I don’t have the book with me) and contrast it with the previous emphasis on Character.
fromleft2write: @Chai, you mean how to make sure your voice is heard in the workplace?
catherine: Do you think that pervious era could have been a “Introvert Ideal” that we then needed to swing away from and went too far?
Chai: right! just as much as the next person of course
Susan Cain: that’s such an interesting question, Catherine — ie was the previous era an “introvert ideal”? I don’t think so; even during the Culture of Character we still admired people who spoke their minds
Susan Cain: , etc — people revered charismatic ministers and politicians, etc. The difference was that ordinary people weren’t expected to be performers the way they are today.
GanaMom: One of the biggest problems is to be accepted for just being quiet without appearing to be unfriendly.
atrelaun: In my blog, I wrote about telling people you’re shy is like telling them you have herpes — there’s such a weird stigman. OK, just maybe with herpes, it’s worse. ;>
atrelaun: stigma, i mean!
fromleft2write: @GanaMom I agree. I’ve appeared snobbish or standoffish because I’d rather observe the situtaion before joining a conversation
atrelaun: the book was really great for the way that it allowed me to find a way to describe myself
Susan Cain: That is such a good point, Gana Mom. Even with all my knowledge of introverts, I sometimes feel that quiet people must not like me. I have to remind myself what’s going on. I do think it helps for
Susan Cain: quiet people to know that others aren’t always judging their quiet so much as feeling hurt by it. That changes the dynamic a lot.
tm2002: Hi, Just joining from CA. Any tips for introverts in the dating world.?
GanaMom: I’ve learned to “interview” people when in social situations so that I don’t have to do so much talking. I’m not shy, just not talkative.
Susan Cain: About shyness being stigmatized like herpes — yes, it’s unfortunately true. It’s even more stigmatized than introversion, I would say — I think we’re a society that can’t stand to admit weakness
Susan Cain: and that’s how people think of shyness!
atrelaun: So true! SO much better to understand the biological basis of introversion
atrelaun: that it’s a way we’re born, really, like so many other things
Susan Cain: For introverts in the dating world — try to go to places where you’ll meet people with similar interests and points of view. Hmm wait, that sounds like generic dating advice! Tell me more about your
Susan Cain: specific concerns re: dating.
nonsensicality: I have yet to read your book, but a few months ago I helped start a new student organization at my college called Introverts United. Do you have any suggestions for a group of college introverts?
Ian: How much of shyness has to do with a lack of confidence?
sam: your right GanaMom. I was shocked when someone I worked with said they thought I was “stuck-up” and they thought I thought I was better than everyone else. I felt just the opposite.
Susan Cain: Wow you’re kidding — Introverts United, I love it! How many members do you have, what kinds of activities do you do?
catherine: I’ve known a lot of quiet people that had similar feedback, Sam.
Susan Cain: As for suggestions, this is a new concept to me but off the top of my head: online discussion forum, perhaps with ability to participate anonymously so people can discuss personal stuff; also regular
Susan Cain: small group in person meetings to talk about issues of interest to introverts; book club; guest speakers…
tm2002: It just takes me a while to get comfortable in a situation, with a new person, and sometimes I can come off as too quiet.
nonsensicality: Last semester 5 core members, 2 staff advisors. We just had an involvement fair and I have 30 people on the email list now.
atrelaun: I love the idea of Introverts United!
tm2002: If I do the fake extrovert thing (which I do at times) I feel like they aren’t getting to know the real me. (And then I’m exhausted too)
Susan Cain: tm2002, i’m not sure if you were the one who talked about asking a lot of questions, but that is a tried-and-true introvert tactic — might it work for you?
atrelaun: I think the most important thing is for these qualities to be VALUED equally with those that extroverts bring
Susan Cain: atrelaun: ABSOLUTELY.
Chai: great point @atrelaun!
atrelaun: PS Just saw that there’s an INtroverts United facebook page. Maybe we should all join!
fromleft2write: @tm2002 I frequently ask people questions about themselves to get the covnersation started. Works 90% of the time!
nonsensicality: So far we mainly discussed different challenges. Ie: talking in class, public speeking, dating, hanging out, etc.
fromleft2write: @atrelaun, what is the link to the FB page?
atrelaun: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2218961143
nonsensicality: I’m planning on ordering a few copies of your book for us, and hopefully talking more about the strong points of being introverted.
fromleft2write: Susan, how do you suggest we, the introverts, convince our society to understand that we are as valuable as extroverts? Any concrete suggestions?
fromleft2write: I wrote lots of notes in my copy of Quiet.
Susan Cain: Might be interesting to have a public speaking subgroup where you all gather to practice speaking in a safe environment. For shy speakers, getting used to the podium in a safe space is CRUCIAL.
fromleft2write: If you haven’t purchased a copy of Quiet yet, you’re missing out http://amzn.to/vlGUYS
atrelaun: I think just having a place to gather as Introverts, to learn to feel good about that, about the strengths of being introverted, that would be such a PLUS
Susan Cain: As for how to convince society: stories of famous introverts go a long way. Not just lists, but stories of people who achieved what they did BECAUSE of their personalities, not in spite of them.
GanaMom: Actually, public speaking is fun after the knees stop knocking. Just don’t ask me to discuss anything personal.
fromleft2write: @atrelaun I agree! Especially important for young ones
Susan Cain: The world would truly be impoverished without the transformative leadership styles of Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks; without the creativity of people like Albert Einstein and J.K. Rowling, etc
Susan Cain: In the book I tried to tell a lot of these stories.
tm2002: EVeryone’s feedback is awesome. I do need to remember to ask people about themselves – I can often start off quite awkwardly, but then once things get rolling, I do ok.
fromleft2write: It’s funny, because I don’t mind public speaking. I’m in direct sales and get up in front of strangers to sell romance products. I thought I’d be an ambivert for sure.
fromleft2write: @Susan, your stories were one of my favorite parts of your book
Susan Cain: I find public speaking fun when I’m excited about my topic.
atrelaun: I wonder what kind of response you’ve received from the corporate world regarding what you’ve written about Group Think? If I never had to do a group brainstorming session, I’d be eternally grateful!
Susan Cain: @fromleft2write, it’s great that you don’t mind public speaking. In my book research I noticed a distinct subgroup of introverts who don’t. Also a lot of introverted actors, performers, etc.
GanaMom: Great stories that give so much credit to the quiet-but-strong types.
atrelaun: never again, I mean. There’s such an emphasis on teams, also in graduate school this drove me crazy, but at work, too — I’d love it if what you’ve written got incorporated such that there is more
Susan Cain: @atrelaun Great question. So far the response seems to be overwhelmingly positive — though there was a subset who seemed absolutely horrified!
atrelaun: emphasis on individual creativity, rather than these group dog piles
atrelaun: oooh, tell us about the horrified!
Susan Cain: @atrelaun I really have hope that changes will come. The overwhelming response was, FINALLY we have permission to talk about how problematic these things are (open offices, brainstomring, etc.)
fromleft2write: @atrelaun I was never a fan of group projects-too much talk and not enough work getting done!
atrelaun: plus, others don’t pull their weight! >
fromleft2write: It never occurred to me how terrifying working in an open office space would be, since I work from home
atrelaun: Yes, FINALLY we can point to research that demonstrates that they’re often a big time-waster
Susan Cain: If you need citations, the endnotes to the book list a whole raft of studies
atrelaun: will do
Susan Cain: @atrelaun, the dissenters mostly believe that groups work, that social exchanges work, and we shouldn’t say they don’t. Which i agree with — I’m mostly calling for a return to balance — we’re way
Susan Cain: too lopsided now in favor of the group.
atrelaun: i just think we need to be more discerning about when groups are effective and when not
fromleft2write: We have about 8 more minutes with Susan. Anyone have more questions or comments?
nonsensicality: How similar is introversion today in comparison to other historically and modern marginalized groups of people (people of color, women, etc)?
atrelaun: and your book so helps to raise the question and provide a platform for this discussion.
tm2002: as a teacher, I love how you’ve often spoken to the importance of giving other learning strategies a try, in order to incorporate introverts
GanaMom: @Susan: Thank you
tm2002: I see, when I give them space to be quiet, they eventually will contribute quite a lot, especially once they know it is safe to do so
Susan Cain: @tm2002, thank you. I spent a lot fo time in classrooms as part of my book research and felt so sad to watch introverted kids struggling to work in groups when this clearly went so against their natur
Susan Cain: nature
Susan Cain: @tm2002, can you pls tell me more about this? how do you give them space to be quiet? and how do you know that if you do that, they’ll eventually contribute? how do you make it safe for them?
tm2002: I work with young children, and one thing I do is allow them to hang back, to take in a new situation. I never urge them to speak up in a large group
Susan Cain: @nonsensicality, i think that introverts today are where women were in the early 1960’s — at the cusp of a big sea change in status, but still struggling with being a “second-class” personality style
tm2002: I let them wait until they are ready. Sometimes, they will join in, when we break into small group work
tm2002: I find that when the group of kids is 6 or less, many kids feel much more comfortable sharing
fromleft2write: @tm2002 I’ve noticed that my outgoing daughter is very quiet in new situations. I’ve learned to let her warm up instead of pushing her to join in
tm2002: Sometimes, the humber, or size of a group can change the dynamic quite a bit
atrelaun: wow, this is really making me think about drop-out rates in a different way — since schools are so designed as a larger group experience, classrooms of 35
fromleft2write: And I thought my daughter’s kindergarten class was large at 19 kids. 35!
Susan Cain: @tm2002: so ideal group size is what, would you say?
tm2002: I always make sure that once a child does share (both introverts and extroverts) we make sure there are no interruptions – we value and respect what everyone has to say
Susan Cain: @tm2002 you sound like a great teacher!
tm2002: 4-5 kids
Susan Cain: @tm2002 how do you prevent the dominant kids from taking over?
tm2002: Thanks!! I LOVE IT!
tm2002: I hold up my index finger, which the kids know is a sign that they need to wait their turn to speak. (We’ve taught this in class, and have visual reminders up in the room)
fromleft2write: Susan, I know your time is valuable and you are probably tired from your 20 interviews. Thank you for chatting with us tonight.
tm2002: Thanks so much Susan!!!
fromleft2write: Susan, we are scheduled to finish at 10pm, but if you are more than welcome to chat longer
atrelaun: Thank you, Susan! And thank you for such a great book!
Susan Cain: It was SO much fun to chat with you all. Thx so much. And please keep me posted about any Introverts-United groups! …and now I must go to sleep. Many many more interviews tomorrow…Good night ever
Susan Cain: everyone!
fromleft2write: Susan, thank you for joining us tonight. Your book definitely gives us a lot to think about, especially for future generations of introverts. Please pick up a copy of her book: http://amzn.to/vlGUYS
GlasgowGuy: thanks Susan I look forward to your book coming out in the UK!
Susan Cain: @GlasgowGuy, It comes out in March in the UK, I think, and I’ll be there on book tour from March 24 – April 3!
fromleft2write: Thank you everyone for joining us. Please subscribe to our site to hear about our next book club! http://feeds.feedburner.com/FromLeftToWrite
GlasgowGuy: wonderful! I’ve pre-ordered from Amazon
fromleft2write: I’ll post a transcript of our chat soon so you can refer back to anything you’ve missed!
fromleft2write: Good night everyone!
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